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Conflict is everywhere, one may try to escape it once in a while but it will keep coming back and when it does one may erupt under the pressure.

She saw it coming a long way off, the signs were everywhere so she did the best he could to avoid that confrontation, escape the discussion, play pretend. She was safe, or so she thought.

Then it happened! A Huge eruption and spewed out in anger and did things that she normally wouldn’t do. By the time she got a hold of her tongue, it was too late; the damage had already been done. The words shot like arrows and pierced into hearts of her loved ones.

I’m sure this scenario sounds very familiar and is definitely not a pleasant place to be in. The very next steps from this point determine the course the relationship would take. So to move forward in the right direction amends need to be made .The Six C’s of Family Conflict Resolution I call them;

• CALM  down first
• COOL OFF, then
• CALL for help
• COMEBACK and
• COMMUNICATE  with
• COMPASSION

Calm Down

So you have erupted and the lava is all over the place now, no need in spewing out any more. Even the most dangerous volcanic mountains don’t go on erupting continuously. Take long deep breaths as many as necessary. Breathe in deeply, hold your breath and breathe out slowly and repeat. Change your focus by getting away from the situation for a while; take a walk to release the tension.

Cool Off
Take deep breaths as you walk along, that volcanic explosivity index reading has to come down way below zero. Blow out that air and take deep cooling breaths, it will even help you think more clearly. Sometimes tears may be flowing steadily at this point, let them flow its ok. It’s necessary.

Listen to calming music and sing if you want to but do give the TV and phone a break flipping channels or   mindless scrolling on social media may spark off more negative emotions that would heighten the conflict. Get away from it all. Steer clear from the bottles or other stimulants and drugs as this would only give you a temporary high before you come crashing down to a lower state than you were at in the beginning.

Call for help

It’s very much in our human nature to want to pick up the phone and call someone to talk to especially when going through a tough patch. If you do get someone trustworthy that would give you a listening ear, by all means do.

As we humans are not perfect and at times when you need help the most, there may be no one close enough or available to give you the help you need.

Let me suggest to you that you can call on Jesus he is closer to us than the air we breathe. He is close to the broken hearted.
“The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18

He knows when we are hurting even when others don’t see it .He knows exactly where and how much it hurts .He has a record count of every tear that you have cried.
“You keep track of all my sorrows you have collected all my tears in your bottle you have recorded each one in your book.” Psalms 56:8

He also knows us too well, better than anyone ever could. He knows our needs, our wants, and our desires and is very much able to release them to us in but only according to his will and his timing.

Jesus also promises to never leave us nor forsake us.  People can abandon you and forsake you but the Lord Jesus never will. “^Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deut 31:6

Call on the name of the LORD to help you, strengthen you and give you peace.

Comeback

At times one may take time out to cool off and chose not to comeback to make peace and as a result many families fall apart.
Divorce rates are climbing higher due to unresolved family conflict. In Kenya for instance the divorce rate is now at 17.7%, the global outlook isn’t any better; In the US there are 3.2 divorces for every 1000 while Russia has the highest divorce rate in the world with 4.8 divorces for every 1000 according to this report done by the World Population Review.

Children abandoning their families has also become very prevalent in the recent past, I doubt there is quantifiable data on this statistic. Due to unresolved conflict some children decide to leave home (either as children or adults) and attempt to disassociate themselves from their parents and siblings and even going as far as changing their identities. Countless parents go down to the grave without having reconnected with their children let alone resolved their differences leaving indescribable pain  and despair for those left behind. All this needless pain because one party or both refused to “comeback” and resolve the conflict that could have been nipped in the bud!

Communicate with Compassion

For those who make it to comeback, do not return empty handed! Come back with the resolve to communicate with compassion.

Communication is one thing that cannot be escaped, whether one is speaking or is silent – they are still communicating. Do communicate by all means, but with compassion. It’s flabbergasting to see many leaders with excellent corporate communication skills but fail miserably in the home front, as they miss the most important ingredient Compassion. This isn’t taught in Harvard or any of the Ivy League universities, neither can it be manufactured.

The Lord is compassionate and we can learn to show compassion from him. The word tells us that “The Lord is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. Psalms 145:8” and also goes on to say in Isaiah 30:18 “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.”
We are also urged “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. “Colossians 3:12

It’s not possible to separate love from compassion, it seems the compassion flows out of love. We all need to draw this love from the Lord who will enable us through his Holy Spirit to show love and compassion. Some of the many gifts of the Holy Spirit include love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control all crucial ingredients to showing compassion.

Communicating with Compassion therefore cannot be done without the help of the Holy Spirit and Our Lord Jesus, as in our own human nature it’s not possible to do so flawlessly and effortlessly. If we all endeavored to communicate in this way, it would greatly reduce the rate of conflicts in families , so go on and make that resolve to communicate with compassion.

Awaiting the Lord’s Command

Despite the challenging season you may find yourself in, hope is on its way. Things may seem gloomy; dry winds in the air, dry fields in the horizon, scorching sun, not a single cloud in the skies, dead crops, dying livestock, no harvest, nothing on the threshing floor, no singing or rejoicing anywhere, no flicker of hope to be found everywhere you look.

Yet despite it all, hope is on the way. The angels of the LORD are on standby awaiting his command to respond to your prayers, if only you continued to pray and do not give up. It’s as if the prayers are to reach a certain intensity and volume to make the LORD issue his command.

Pray with a Contrite Heart
I have come to discover that it is not the lengthy prayers that touch the LORD’s heart, nor the ones with the most impeccable English, nor the most vocabulary, nor those said with the best oratory skills but the ones said from a contrite heart, a broken heart- these are the heart felt prayers that have much intensity to touch the LORD’s heart.

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart O God you will not despise” Psalms 51:17
This drawing is very special to me because it also seems to align to a passage in the Psalms, on how the LORD cares for the earth and is able to water it and enrich it abundantly.

“The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
where morning dawns, where evening fades,
you call forth songs of joy.

9 You care for the land and water it;
you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
to provide the people with grain,
for so you have ordained it.
10 You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
11 You crown the year with your bounty,
and your carts overflow with abundance.
12 The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
the hills are clothed with gladness.
13 The meadows are covered with flocks
and the valleys are mantled with grain;
they shout for joy and sing.” Psalms 65: 8- 13

If the LORD is able to care this way for the land, how much more you and me? How much more is he able to provide for you and answer your prayers?

Pray in accordance to God’s will
We also learn from the book of 1 John that we should pray in accordance to God’s will. One cannot ask the Lord for anything that is contrary to his word and expect to get a positive response, one must know what the word says in the first place .Further I believe that the LORD is able to give one discernment on specific issues in one’s life and guide you on how to pray

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” I John 5:14 -15

Pray in the name of Jesus
Jesus himself also taught his disciples that they need to believe in him, pray to him and invoke his name.

“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it.” John 14:13-14

Jesus said this as he explained the sure way to the Father ;that he was the only way, the truth and the life and that no one came to the Father unless through him. Therefore if we prayed to the Father in his name, he would do whatever we asked.

Pray with Faith
“ Now Faith  is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…And without Faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him “Hebrews 11:1,6
When we pray  we must have faith, believe that the LORD is alive ,that he sees you and that he hears you and understands you well ,in fact better than anybody – better than your BFF ,your spouse, your ride-or-die chick, your partner in crime sibling, your homie, your ex, your amigas and amigos ,your mentor, your children, your hero, or even your parent.

Faith I also learnt goes with deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds and I will show you my faith by what I do” James 2:18
“A Person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone” and” As the body without the Spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.” James 2:24&26

Let’s  then pray with a contrite heart ,in accordance to God’s will ,pray and take action by faith and pray in the name of Jesus. I’m certain the angels are on standby, awaiting the LORD’s command to release the answers to those prayers.

#faith #hope #Jesus #prayer #command

Hope this very short, strange word that is in everybody’s vocabulary .This well known yet almost elusive word that is easily recognizable but so hard to put into practice, to implement in one’s life consistently, especially when it seems to be hiding or nowhere in sight.

Often when faced with  life’s many challenges and  discouragement  you may be told ,to “keep hope alive ”  or “don’t lose hope ,the situation is bound to improve” “ don’t’ give up hope ,let’s remain hopeful” ..even when the stark realities are starting you in the face .How do you hold on when hope cannot be grasped and slowly fades away as you watch?

So what really is it? and where do you find it, this hope? It seems to be hiding from most, so who hid it? why was it hidden? where can you go to get some, and once it’s found, where do you keep it so that it doesn’t become elusive and start this whole charade again?

Google says it is a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen.

Also stumbled upon  a certain specialist in positive psychology known as Snyder  who even created a Hope Theory

He postulated  that for hopeful thinking to exist there must be a  goal , pathway thoughts ,agency thoughts and barriers.
Goal – being the wish or desire the thing one hopes for, the pathway thoughts are the various routes to take to achieve the goal, agency thoughts refer to the motivation to undertake the routes to achieve goal or the ability to instigate change and achieve the set goals. The barriers of course are self-explanatory , these hinder one from achieving the goal and it’s the point at which most would give up if they see no light at the end of the tunnel.

All these are factual ,however I feel they may be incomplete.

We all have had a desire for  one thing or the other and hoped to achieve it .Our thinking or beliefs  have also had a  major role to play in the process ,but the thinking that eventually carries the day is that which is anchored on something real, a solid belief , and a solid faith.

True hope is a strong and confident expectation ,and hope is intricately intertwined with faith. One cannot hope for something unless they have some faith.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see ,according to the Holy Bible  in Hebrews 11.In case you may be wondering the Holy Bible is a collection of books written by men ages ago ,but they were inspired by the Living God. So  everything in it is accurate.

There is also a trust worthy saying that deserves full acceptance…that we have put our hope in the Living God who is the savior of all men and especially of those who believe in him.

The  hope theory seems  ok ,until you get to the access thoughts part. What does one anchor their access thoughts on? You need an audaciously true and authentic fact to be your base ,a fact so real that others know it to be true and can testify of it , a fact so real that it’s a solid foundation to build your hope on. A solid rock to stand upon. For who is God, besides the LORD? And who is a rock, besides our God? 2 Samuel 22: 32 The Holy Bible still urges us to Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. He is the ultimate truth ,he is the sure foundation on which one can build their very life upon ,and  put their hopes  upon  and cast their  fears to.

The Bible says  with  regard to the certainty of God’s promise “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure” Hebrews 6:19

Let us then hold on unswervingly to the hope we profess for HE who promised is faithful.