THE SIX C’S OF FAMILY CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Conflict is everywhere, one may try to escape it once in a while but it will keep coming back and when it does one may erupt under the pressure.

She saw it coming a long way off, the signs were everywhere so she did the best he could to avoid that confrontation, escape the discussion, play pretend. She was safe, or so she thought.

Then it happened! A Huge eruption and spewed out in anger and did things that she normally wouldn’t do. By the time she got a hold of her tongue, it was too late; the damage had already been done. The words shot like arrows and pierced into hearts of her loved ones.

I’m sure this scenario sounds very familiar and is definitely not a pleasant place to be in. The very next steps from this point determine the course the relationship would take. So to move forward in the right direction amends need to be made .The Six C’s of Family Conflict Resolution I call them;

• CALM  down first
• COOL OFF, then
• CALL for help
• COMEBACK and
• COMMUNICATE  with
• COMPASSION

Calm Down

So you have erupted and the lava is all over the place now, no need in spewing out any more. Even the most dangerous volcanic mountains don’t go on erupting continuously. Take long deep breaths as many as necessary. Breathe in deeply, hold your breath and breathe out slowly and repeat. Change your focus by getting away from the situation for a while; take a walk to release the tension.

Cool Off
Take deep breaths as you walk along, that volcanic explosivity index reading has to come down way below zero. Blow out that air and take deep cooling breaths, it will even help you think more clearly. Sometimes tears may be flowing steadily at this point, let them flow its ok. It’s necessary.

Listen to calming music and sing if you want to but do give the TV and phone a break flipping channels or   mindless scrolling on social media may spark off more negative emotions that would heighten the conflict. Get away from it all. Steer clear from the bottles or other stimulants and drugs as this would only give you a temporary high before you come crashing down to a lower state than you were at in the beginning.

Call for help

It’s very much in our human nature to want to pick up the phone and call someone to talk to especially when going through a tough patch. If you do get someone trustworthy that would give you a listening ear, by all means do.

As we humans are not perfect and at times when you need help the most, there may be no one close enough or available to give you the help you need.

Let me suggest to you that you can call on Jesus he is closer to us than the air we breathe. He is close to the broken hearted.
“The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18

He knows when we are hurting even when others don’t see it .He knows exactly where and how much it hurts .He has a record count of every tear that you have cried.
“You keep track of all my sorrows you have collected all my tears in your bottle you have recorded each one in your book.” Psalms 56:8

He also knows us too well, better than anyone ever could. He knows our needs, our wants, and our desires and is very much able to release them to us in but only according to his will and his timing.

Jesus also promises to never leave us nor forsake us.  People can abandon you and forsake you but the Lord Jesus never will. “^Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deut 31:6

Call on the name of the LORD to help you, strengthen you and give you peace.

Comeback

At times one may take time out to cool off and chose not to comeback to make peace and as a result many families fall apart.
Divorce rates are climbing higher due to unresolved family conflict. In Kenya for instance the divorce rate is now at 17.7%, the global outlook isn’t any better; In the US there are 3.2 divorces for every 1000 while Russia has the highest divorce rate in the world with 4.8 divorces for every 1000 according to this report done by the World Population Review.

Children abandoning their families has also become very prevalent in the recent past, I doubt there is quantifiable data on this statistic. Due to unresolved conflict some children decide to leave home (either as children or adults) and attempt to disassociate themselves from their parents and siblings and even going as far as changing their identities. Countless parents go down to the grave without having reconnected with their children let alone resolved their differences leaving indescribable pain  and despair for those left behind. All this needless pain because one party or both refused to “comeback” and resolve the conflict that could have been nipped in the bud!

Communicate with Compassion

For those who make it to comeback, do not return empty handed! Come back with the resolve to communicate with compassion.

Communication is one thing that cannot be escaped, whether one is speaking or is silent – they are still communicating. Do communicate by all means, but with compassion. It’s flabbergasting to see many leaders with excellent corporate communication skills but fail miserably in the home front, as they miss the most important ingredient Compassion. This isn’t taught in Harvard or any of the Ivy League universities, neither can it be manufactured.

The Lord is compassionate and we can learn to show compassion from him. The word tells us that “The Lord is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. Psalms 145:8” and also goes on to say in Isaiah 30:18 “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.”
We are also urged “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. “Colossians 3:12

It’s not possible to separate love from compassion, it seems the compassion flows out of love. We all need to draw this love from the Lord who will enable us through his Holy Spirit to show love and compassion. Some of the many gifts of the Holy Spirit include love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control all crucial ingredients to showing compassion.

Communicating with Compassion therefore cannot be done without the help of the Holy Spirit and Our Lord Jesus, as in our own human nature it’s not possible to do so flawlessly and effortlessly. If we all endeavored to communicate in this way, it would greatly reduce the rate of conflicts in families , so go on and make that resolve to communicate with compassion.